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An introduction to Attachment theory and addictions

At the University of Luxembourg, I had the privilege to study early childhood development from the perspective of the attachment theory and its effects on the development of independence of a new human being from the womb of it’s mother into the arms of the society at large.

My personal experience today leads me to analyse the connection of that primal sense of insecurity coming from neglectful, uncaring or even abusive family relationships and the connection to addictions that developed as coping mechanisms to deal with the life experiences and traumas that came out of these relationships.

In this longer piece, I want to give a short introduction to the theory of attachment, the characteristics of the 4 attachment styles and then explain its link to addiction and what steps you can take to heal the wound.

“Secure or insecure, is that the question?”

John Theodore
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5 Resources that transformed my addictive lifestyle

There are many resources out there that one can use in order to fight addiction, when we want to get to the ground of what drives our self destructive coping behaviours and what will help us heal over time.

In my own recovery from love and sex addiction, I needed a combination of tools that gave me the frame I needed in order to see my own patterns of relapse and capture the thoughts and beliefs that drive me to look for the easy way out of dealing with my suppressed pain and hurt.

My goal here is to give you five of my tools that I found very helpful and enriching and that I have either used or am still using at the moment of writing this post. So let’s have a look and see if there is something in it for you as well.

“If I had known earlier…”

John Theodore
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Trying harder vs Trying smarter in recovery

Understanding the difference between trying harder and trying smarter belongs to the essential toolkit of recovery from addictions and self-destructive coping behaviours.

When I became aware that I had a real problem, I was quick to make commitments to stop self destructive behaviours like smoking, drinking and drugs. Unfortunately, other behaviours remained and they drove me to despair and hopelessness. I was trying hard to make it stop, but only when I tried smart did I start to see progress.

“If I just would get my act together.”

John Theodore
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Reflecting on choices

Over the past weeks, I had to sincerely reflect over my own choices that I made and how they play out in reality. I am thinking why do I do the very things that I do, and why do I keep doing the things that I do not wish to do, while seeking to pursue what I want and finding no capacity to do it.

I am sure that phrase just made you read it twice, but hang in there, and I will develop that in the following lines as I lay out the importance of reflection on our own thoughts and choices and how it applies to us in order to grow emotionally, relationally and spiritually under the Creator of our souls.

“Who makes the choices here?”

John Theodore
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